it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
