Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
