I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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