Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
