she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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