i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
