I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
