His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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