Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
