This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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