So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
