I wish my penis had an off switch
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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