They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
