You really coming over, don't trick.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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