Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
