Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
