Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
