I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
