Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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