how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't deserve a penis
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
