P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
