During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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