I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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