Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
