Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
