my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
