my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
