People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
