Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
