Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
