Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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