I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
