you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
