The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
