i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
