just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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