Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
