I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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