Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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