the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
