I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
