I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Found the puke drawer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
