Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
