just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
