.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
