So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
