Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
