note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
