Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
