so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and she was petting her beer can
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
