shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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