There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
