I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
