She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
