So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
