SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
